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Christopher Forsley

Film Critic

San Francisco

Christopher Forsley

"I regard criticism as an art. . . If you think it is so easy to be a critic, so difficult to be a poet or a painter or film experimenter, may I suggest you try both? You may discover why there are so few critics, so many poets"
~ Pauline Kael, aired on KPFA in 1963.

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Stanley Kubrick Wanted a Taste of Terry Southern’s Lamb-Pit

I love fucking Terry Southern. That came out wrong. I never fucked the writer, at least not proper fucked. But I have been fucking him intellectually, off and on, for a few decades now. By that I mean I’ve read his literary work: Flash and Filigree, Candy, The Magic Christian, and Blue Movie, on several occasions, going deeper each time.
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The Writing in Frank Jacobs' MAD's Greatest Writers is MAD to the Max

I bet you know of MAD Magazine, but I doubt you know of many of its contributors. If you do know of one, it’s probably founder Harvey Kurtzman. If you know of more than one, it’s probably one or more of the magazine’s early artists who worked under Kurtzman and have since reached iconic status among comic aficionados — artists such as Jack Davis, Wally Wood, and Basil Wolverton.
PopMatters Link to Story
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Open Letter to 3D Movie Technology

Stop turning all the good movie theaters with high-def screens, custom surround sound, and comfortable stadium seating into brothels. By pimping out every movie showing in the good theaters, you're pushing out every quality film that refuses to turn 3D tricks. Some will find spots in shit movie theaters with screens covered in the cum of its cracked-out clientele and alien-like sound that only NASA's best can interpret, and seats so creaky every film comes off as a Birds of Paradise sequel.
Total Bozo Magazine Link to Story
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The Art of Canning

If you’re one of the recently unemployed Americans who sit in front of the television all day and night eating Sriracha flavored Lay’s while watching Seinfeld re-runs, you might think after your Food Stamps end you’ll finance your new life of leisure by collecting cans. But, as Kramer and Newman learned in their failure to transport cans from New York to Michigan where the refund is doubled, it’s not so easy.
Total Bozo Magazine Link to Story
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Make More Informed Decisions About Your Books and Burritos, Your Essays and Enchiladas

I love San Francisco, its people and its places, both from the past and the present. Jerry Garcia, Laffing Sal, Andre Nickatina, Harvey Milk, Frank Chu, John Waters, Fillmore Slim, Bruce Lee, S. Clay Wilson, Willie Mayes, Emperor Norton, Tim Lincecum, Janis Joplin, The Gonz, Robin Williams -- I love them all.
Total Bozo Magazine Link to Story
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Hawaiian Shirts Make Everyone and Everything Better

I'm not Hawaiian and I don't often wear shirts, but, from this day forward, I'm going to wear Hawaiian shirts and only Hawaiian shirts. Mark Twain said that clothes make the man and that naked people have no influence on society. I disagree. Naked people always have an influence on society. I've been naked in society and influenced a cabbie to reject me, an old lady's heart to fail, and a firefighter to hose down my fire-crotch.
Total Bozo Magazine Link to Story
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Dear Depressive – The Sunday Review

In 2011 I was writing an essay for PANK in response to the “Adrien Brody” short story scandal when, during my research that involved jacking-off to nude photos of its author, Marie Calloway, I discovered a Jimmy Chen spoof over at HTMLGIANT called “Adrien Brody By Roman Polanski.”. It was very, very funny.
MetaZen Link to Story
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'Big Brother' Didn't Help Me Kill Myself

In 1992 the skateboard magazine, Big Brother, published an article called "How to Kill Yourself." I didn't have any use for the article because I had yet to fall in love. I loved Ren & Stimpy. I loved Super Nintendo. I loved backward jeans. Most of all, I loved skateboarding. I sucked at skateboarding, but I had yet to fall in love with any girls besides Murphy Brown and had no reason to kill myself.
Total Bozo Magazine Link to Story
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I Would Have Obeyed Those Gods, Became a Dunce, and Joined the Confederacy

I read John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces last month. But it was too late. My life was damaged beyond repair. If I had read it ten years ago as a high school student, I would have a career, a mortgage, and a retirement plan right now. I would have known that "With the breakdown of the Medieval system, the gods of Chaos, Lunacy, and Bad Taste gained ascendancy."
Poor Mojo Link to Story
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Sometimes I Fool Around With A Dude Named Jose, But It's Ok Because My Girlfriend Does Too

I'm not a simple man, and I hate Lynyrd Skynyrd, but love, for me, is simple. My girlfriend buys me food and sucks my dick. On the weekends we watch With Nail and I and match, drink for drink, the amount of alcohol consumed in the film. We've been together four years. My liver may fail me, but she won't.
Poor Mojo Link to Story

About

Christopher Forsley

Christopher Forsley was born in Massachusetts, raised in Arizona, and is living in California. Contact him at ChristopherForsley@gmail.com with freelance assignments or other job offers. He also accepts ghostwriting gigs when the money is right.

Besides criticism and the occasional piece of humor, he writes comic books and strips. His brother and collaborator, Cameron Forsley, illustrates these along with many of the essays and reviews found above. They share a website at www.The ForsleyBrothers.com